<\/a>We know that when families grow and change it is not always by choice: divorce, job changes, relocation or re-marriage are not always choices that the entire extended family can agree on — or prepare for. The impact of those changes can rock our world in ways that we can\u2019t imagine ahead of time. The foundation upon which our families have been built is tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “Our family’s foundations can be tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.”]<\/p>\n

While we may not choose the circumstances that create the change, we can always choose our response<\/a> to it. Unfortunately, in our culture, most of us are not very good at making these changes, especially when we feel victimized by another\u2019s decisions. In the midst of the shock and grief that accompany serious medical issues, or the hurt and anger that can go along with divorce, it can be really difficult to remember that we have choices — lots of them.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “We may not choose the circumstances that bring change – we can choose our response.”]<\/p>\n

\u201cIt isn\u2019t what you have, or who you are, or where your are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.\u201d And while I\u2019d like to take credit for such wise words, they are a favorite quote from Dale Carnegie.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “What should we think about in times of personal upheaval?”]<\/p>\n

So what should we think about in times of personal upheaval?<\/a> I think that lots of us get into trouble by hanging on to ideas about some fictional perfect TV family \u2013 you know, the one we think everyone else has? Another common response is to keep our focus on the unfairness of the situation and relive with our friends, over and over again.<\/p>\n

What would work better? People who, after surveying the damage and having a good cry, make a decision to \u2018make the best\u2019<\/a> of a situation always impress me. I find their approach inspiring and, frankly, would like to be better at that than I am.<\/p>\n

A decision to shift focus from \u201cwhy me \u201c to \u201cwhat can I build that\u2019s even better?\u201d is an important first step. Do you believe that it is possible to salvage what\u2019s still good, clear away the rubble and build something even stronger than what you had?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We know that when families grow and change it is not always by choice: divorce, job changes, relocation or re-marriage are not always choices that the entire extended family can agree on — or prepare for. The impact of those changes can rock our world in ways that we can\u2019t imagine ahead of time. The foundation upon which our families have been built is tossed around like buildings in an earthquake. [Tweet “Our family’s foundations can be tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.”] While we may not choose the circumstances that create the change, we can always choose our response to it. Unfortunately, in our culture, most of us are not very good at making these changes, especially when we feel victimized by another\u2019s decisions. In the midst of the shock and grief that accompany serious medical issues, or the hurt and anger that can go along with divorce, it can be really difficult to remember that we have choices — lots of them. [Tweet “We may not choose the circumstances that bring change – we can choose our response.”] \u201cIt isn\u2019t what you have, or who you are, or where your are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.\u201d And while I\u2019d like to take credit for such wise words, they are a favorite quote from Dale Carnegie. [Tweet “What should we think about in times of personal upheaval?”] So what should we think about in times of personal upheaval? I think that lots of us get into trouble by hanging on to ideas about some fictional perfect TV family \u2013 you know, the one we think everyone else has? Another common response is to keep our focus on the unfairness of the situation and relive with our friends, over and over again. What would work better? People who, after surveying the damage and having a good cry, make a decision to \u2018make the best\u2019 of a situation always impress me. I find their approach inspiring and, frankly, would like to be better at that than I am. A decision to shift focus from \u201cwhy me \u201c to \u201cwhat can I build that\u2019s even better?\u201d is an important first step. Do you believe that it is possible to salvage what\u2019s still good, clear away the rubble and build something even stronger than what you had?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14256,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[43,93,153,278,394],"post_folder":[],"class_list":["post-8226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-blended-family","tag-dale-carnegie","tag-family-life","tag-kids","tag-personal-earthquake"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8226","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8226"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8226\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14256"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8226"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreapatten.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=8226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}