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<\/a>That night, I gave a talk to a group of businesswomen. \u00a0The topic was probably supposed to be how they could help victims of domestic violence<\/a>.<\/p>\n I don’t think I was able to do that but I was apparently able to use our collective shock and disbelief as the basis for a pretty competent talk about what happens to people when they experience random violence. It changes them. \u00a0It changed me.<\/p>\n I spent part of the next day with my grandfather. \u00a0The national tragedy broke his heart. \u00a0He said he couldn’t imagine anything worse. He gave up, let go, and left us a few days later.<\/p>\n [bctt tweet=”What happens to people when they experience random violence…” username=”AndreaPatten”]<\/p>\n When I went home it was to a man who was angry at the rest of us for ‘making such a big deal out of this thing.’ I shouldn’t have been surprised: he was always angry about something.<\/p>\n Violence changes people. \u00a0It changed me.<\/p>\n [bctt tweet=”Violence changes people. \u00a0It changed me.” username=”AndreaPatten”]<\/p>\n I no longer work in the field of child abuse<\/a> and domestic violence: I had shut down and become a less effective human being. I am committed to doing things that work.<\/p>\n I wrote a book for parents<\/a> — positive, uplifting, supportive.<\/p>\n My work now has to do with different ways to help people prepare for and respond to life’s ‘ups and downs.’ To be more resilient. More solution-focused. To think differently.<\/a> To be themselves\u00a0and to turn up the volume.<\/p>\n I got single in a hurry. I stayed that way for a long time. I created a single life that I loved. Quiet. Creative. Violence-free.<\/p>\n [bctt tweet=”I try to do things that bring joy and add value.” username=”AndreaPatten”]<\/p>\n I try to be more aware and more congruent — to do things that bring joy and add value. I do not view that as selfish but as necessary if I am going to improve anything for anyone else.<\/p>\n And when I wonder if I’m headed down the right road I think about how often the Dalai Lama<\/a> laughs.<\/p>\n
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